I am a Christian. I believe in Salvation and I believe in forgiveness. Imagine my surprise when a few Sunday evenings back we were having a nice little bible study, and my Pastor busts out with "We should be praying for Obama to die", using Psalm 109 as his reference.
I looked over at my husband, and he looked very surprised as well. I left church, but could not get the comment out of my mind. I did look up the bible reference, and sadly it was there. I could not bring myself to pray for such a monstrosity. I mean, I am hoping for a change in the white house, but not to that extent.
The next day I woke up still shocked and now quite upset. In all honesty, I was fuming. I really thought the remarks were off color and very inappropriate. I was glad the youth of the church were in choir practice and did not hear the remarks.
That comment started an epiphany in myself. I have been taught to be subservient to men, that I am to remain silent and go to my husband and he should take care of things. Well, I started off right, I sent a text to my husband that I was pissed off at the Pastor's comments. Then I went right to a church elder, who dismissed me as being emotionally driven as a woman. You can only imagine my disgust.
The comment about President Obama, was the icing on the cake to the narrow minded, misogynistic and down right old fashioned workings of my church. At that point I decided I was not going to let it go. I was going to voice my opinion and not back down because I am a mere woman. One who should be on the fellowship committee and teach the church youth. I mean, just the week before the pastor had stated that women have no right teaching men. I bit my tongue on that. A few weeks before that a church elder made the statement that women were best suited to watching the children and doing laundry. I point blank told the elder if I had a gun I would shoot him.
I am raising an almost two year old girl, and I want her to be independent and to be able to support herself. I do not want her to go off to Bible College, where the only degree the women are interested in getting is their MRS. I was raised to be a strong independent woman. I can support myself, which is something the other ladies my age at my church can not say.
Luckily for me I have a support group of friends, who are supporting my decisions. They want to see me grow as a person, both spiritually and as a woman. Sadly, my husband does not approve of this. He understands that I am upset, but he too thinks I should just let it go, like my church community. He would prefer if I let go of my worldly friends, and go back to being his little wife in a box.
Where does this leave me? I still have faith and believe in Jesus Christ and God, but I am on a new soul searching mission. I need to find a place where I can feel comfortable and a place where my daughter will be both nurtured and taught that she can be anything she wants to be. I am not going to placed on a shelf and I am not going to bullied by a group of men whom prefer to keep their women barefoot, pregnant and at home.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Reality check
Step mother: A title I happily embraced 4 years ago; When the girl's were not teenagers and when the ex-wife was someone I was trying to be civil with. Fast forward to today and I realize I made a lot of mistakes.
The first was thinking I would ever be an insider. That never happens, and for anyone out there thinking life as a stepmother is going to be fun, easy and fulfilling all the time; sorry that isn't real life. It's funny because sometimes you are in the circle. Life is happy and amazing and you are riding high on cloud nine. Then reality hits and you are back to being nothing. It's the high of being included and that feeling of actually being "loved" by your step children that make the fall from that much harder to take. Soon you are in self preservation mode and step back just so you don't feel the pain.
My second mistake was trying to be "friends" and a parental figure. The friendship will only last until the first time you have to discipline them. Then you will hear the dreaded words "you are not my mother" which even though is the cold hard truth, still hurts like hell. As women we are made to nurture, it is a gene we just can't turn off. The natural bond of mother and child is not there with step families. You have to work on it and cultivate it like an orchid. Too much or too little attention can cause a major catastrophe. A step mom needs to find the proper balance. That balance can make or break your relationship with your step children and your own life itself.
Which brings me to point three. You will never be their mother. In fact the highest you get on the food chain is dad's wife. The minute you stop trying to be their mother things will get somewhat easier for you. As a woman it has been very for me to accept this fact. Their mother could be the worst woman in the world, but they will still love her and need her. They will always seek out her affection, empathy and advice. It breaks my heart knowing this fact, but alas I have had to accept it. Even when the children live with you and spend time a lot of time with you, their mother gets all the glory.
I have made many mistakes during my run as the sometimes wicked step mother. I know I will continue to make mistakes and along the way have a few triumphs. It is all part of the life I agreed to when I said "I DO". Sometimes I reflect back on the memories and wonder would I do it again? That answer is another post entirely.
The first was thinking I would ever be an insider. That never happens, and for anyone out there thinking life as a stepmother is going to be fun, easy and fulfilling all the time; sorry that isn't real life. It's funny because sometimes you are in the circle. Life is happy and amazing and you are riding high on cloud nine. Then reality hits and you are back to being nothing. It's the high of being included and that feeling of actually being "loved" by your step children that make the fall from that much harder to take. Soon you are in self preservation mode and step back just so you don't feel the pain.
My second mistake was trying to be "friends" and a parental figure. The friendship will only last until the first time you have to discipline them. Then you will hear the dreaded words "you are not my mother" which even though is the cold hard truth, still hurts like hell. As women we are made to nurture, it is a gene we just can't turn off. The natural bond of mother and child is not there with step families. You have to work on it and cultivate it like an orchid. Too much or too little attention can cause a major catastrophe. A step mom needs to find the proper balance. That balance can make or break your relationship with your step children and your own life itself.
Which brings me to point three. You will never be their mother. In fact the highest you get on the food chain is dad's wife. The minute you stop trying to be their mother things will get somewhat easier for you. As a woman it has been very for me to accept this fact. Their mother could be the worst woman in the world, but they will still love her and need her. They will always seek out her affection, empathy and advice. It breaks my heart knowing this fact, but alas I have had to accept it. Even when the children live with you and spend time a lot of time with you, their mother gets all the glory.
I have made many mistakes during my run as the sometimes wicked step mother. I know I will continue to make mistakes and along the way have a few triumphs. It is all part of the life I agreed to when I said "I DO". Sometimes I reflect back on the memories and wonder would I do it again? That answer is another post entirely.
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